Sibling Survivors

I recently came across another website, "Sibling Survivors of Suicide." It said that the siblings are considered to be secondary mourners compared to the parents. They are often forgotten about. I got these sibling facts from that site:

It’s the longest relationship we’ll have in our lives. We are typically only a few years apart when one is born and we become aware of each other. We usually know them longer than our parents, spouses, and children.

We witness more life events and life changes with our siblings than anyone else.

We share a sense of genetics, sense of family, belonging, and culture.

They teach us how to function in society and communicate with others.

The time spent together in our early years is greater than with our parents

Brandon left behind 4 siblings; Tara (24), Jenna (17), James (15), and myself. I often worry about Jenna and James because they are the youngest. I do not think that they talk about Brandon or suicide as much as they should to help them heal. I try to reach out to them and keep in constant contact with Jenna and James, but because of the age gap at this time, I don't think that they consider me to be "cool." With Brandon being their older brother, they might feel abandoned by him. I know Tara and I feel like that at times, but since they are younger, they probably feel it more. They looked up to him and I know they still hurt from this. We all grieve differently too. James found it comforting for a while to sleep in the basement at my grandparents. He would spend a lot of time down there, playing video games and what not. He said "he felt closer to Brandon being down there." I'm not sure that he still does this. Brandon spent a lot of time with his younger siblings, especially since they were all still living at home. Well James lives with his mom, but Brandon still would be there with James a lot. I want my siblings to feel included in this blog, so that they know they are not alone. The one thing that all of us do have in common, is that we keep our feelings to ourselves. I can talk openly about Brandon's death to some, but it is easier to talk to some one that understands. In the first year of his death, I would talk about him a lot. Now, I feel like I shut down and am not so open about it because I feel like people do not want to hear about this sad part of my life. Or I feel bad because I make them sad talking about it. Brandon's initials are tattooed on my wrist, to me this is a constant reminder of him and I think it has actually helped me in this healing process. People always ask me what it stands for, so I tell them, but I some days, I will say that my brother died because of an "accident." I still feel guarded about this part of my life and I think that I will always feel that way in a sense. It is a "normal" feeling from what I have read.

On another note, if anyone feels like sharing stories, feel free to leave comments or to e-mail me. I would even be happy to post your stories on the blog and I could keep it anonymous for you. I have received a few e-mails from people that would also like to help, so never hesitate to get a hold of me.