If he had known..

Even though I believe that my brother is in a better place, I think he regrets doing what he did. Not because he isn't here anymore but because how badly he hurt everyone. I know he is gone and there is nothing that can be done now, but his family and friends still miss him dearly and have a hard time dealing with him being gone.
Brandon would not have wanted to leave my grandparents or father with the burden of finding him dead in their basement. They have to live with that vision for the rest of their lives. How they survived that heartache, I will never know. I have a hard enough time dealing with his death and I didn't even find him dead.
It has hurt me to see how heart broken my family and some of Brandon's friends are from what he did. I know he didn't mean to hurt everyone. He wasn't thinking how it would effect all of us. He just wanted to end his pain and turmoil that he had been feeling. We all know that when we deal with different types of heartache while growing up, that it takes time to heal. Then we look back at those situations, we are relieved that we made it through what we did.
Everyone who loved Brandon still has those days where we cry and miss him. I know I have had a lot of those days since October 2009. Most of those days followed in the first year of him being gone. I still get them, just not as frequently. Anything can set off those days, whether it is a song that reminds me of him or looking at a picture.
If Brandon would have known how badly he would hurt everyone, I think he would have done differently. He couldn't see past his suicide. He didn't think of the consequences of it. 
Brandon didn't mean to hurt everyone. If someone would have told him the damage he would cause by doing what he did, he would have questioned his decision.